Hug

So...today (well yesterday actually) we had the informal welfare groupmeeting. Basically everyone who is involved in looking after students in these parts.

As part of it, believe it or not we had a discussion about hugging students.

Basically apparently these things are not always received in the manner in which it is intended. Actually I have to be honest I'm not a big one for the whole hugging of students business. But the quote of the day comes following on from the person who advised us to "Find words which do the same thing."

"What sort of words?" was the question "Can you give us some examples?"

What a brilliant question!

Word Hugs. It's going to be the chaplaincy concept.

"Come here and I'll 'Word Hug' you."

How do you use a word to hug someone? I think 'pillow' is my preferred option. It's a fluffy sort of word that does seem to embrace one somewhat. Or maybe you need a whole sentence to do this one properly. "I am affirming you in a bodily contact sort of way that involves absolutely no bodily contact whatsoever."

Answers on a postcard.

What happens when students run a chaplaincy

In the beginning there was this building on campus... and it was very quiet and still. Sort of shapeless and formless like the earth in Genesis 1 only not really shapeless or without form because actually, it was a house.

Then a man came and he was a bit colourful. He became a voice crying out (on account of how no one was there). This is what he said.

"Yea! Make a straight path for the Lord...I say path...I mean tunnel"

And then the students turned up.

Which sort of brings us up to date, if you haven't been following.

Now at this point chaplaincy was still pretty quiet and prayerful. So most of the time the students were bored. So we decided to put them in charge and we started up a Chaplaincy Student Council. This is what they did.

First of all they decided to make the tea and coffee free.

Then they asked for Bean Bags

Then they wanted a digital projector and a DVD player!

And a screen.

Then they wanted to put in wifi.

So that they could work here


But today we moved onto a whole new level when we did this:


As of today Chaplaincy has become the biggest reason to fail your degree on campus.

In just two years we have taken chaplaincy from the quiet prayer room on campus that was always empty to the place where you can play games, music and videos. Relax and have a cup of tea or coffee. You can check your e-mails and even...occasionally do some work.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what pretentious parts of the Kingdom like to refer to as "New ways of being Church" (Even as I speak I'm listening to Karuna- born again Christian- whooping arse on Mario Galaxy. 'I sooooooo just beat you then' she cries. and 'I'm so good at hitting these')

Now the question is how do we keep this a secret to stop too many people turning up.

Call Centre

The Internet has stopped working in my house. This of course means a call to BT.

Now the thing is BT have actually offshored all their call centre work to India. Like the rest of you I am particularly fed up with people from several thousand miles away calling me when I am trying to eat dinner to sell me something I didn't want, so I was a little apprehensive when calling but being without the the ability to blog for several days was more than I could bear so I made that call.

Now I have to say I did have a bit of trouble understanding the staff they did have rather thick accents that took a bit of time to get used to. Apparently according to the head of procurement at BT claiming not to understand their accent makes me officially a racist bigot. Leaving that on one side for the moment I have to say that the service I received was excellent. All the staff knew what they were talking about they helped me track down the problem talked me through the steps that I could take to sort it out. When they weren't able to sort it then and there I was called back exactly when they said they would. They even called back to check I was happy with the service I had received.

They even apologised for having to take up my time on a Sunday when I had more important things to do (My Bills are obviously addressed to the Revd Simon Stevens - rather than just Yellow)

The thing that I noticed most was they actually sounded like they wanted to help and were pleased I had called. You wouldn't get that out of a British call centre talking to some minimum wage earner who'd rather be watching footie.

Indian Call centre staff earn more than the average wage in India for doing this work and so, I suppose as a result actually do a much better job. Don't forget that yesterday Gordon Brown addressed the CBI and claimed that there was no future for unskilled work in the UK. Presumably this means that Argos are going to have to offshore their entire business.

Seems to me that everyone is complaining about offshoring. But me, based on this experience I'm beginning to think it's not such a bad thing.

So well done to BT for offshoring their call centres and well done to Manish, Kaushik and Neelam for being so helpful.

Right I'm off to nail a teddy bear to two pieces of wood.

I am not called Dave

“Ooooo” they say “That blog that you wrote about Karuna was brilliant”
“Oh?” I say
“It had everything, Vertexes, Karunas, Maths and it was a cartoon.” They say
“You’re only saying that because you are a geeky fan of XKCD.” I say
“You need to do more cartoons.” They say “That was your best blog for ages.”
“No.” I say “I am not Dave Walker.”
“Who’s Dave Walker?” They ask, reaching for google.
I go away. Quietly. To do some Maths.


What is the plural of Vertex anyway?

On the Train

Grumpy Ticket Inspector: "Tickets!"
(Looks at tickets)
Grumpy Ticket Inspector: "Come on, Tickets!"
(Looks at ticket)
Grumpy Ticket Inspector: "Come on wake up! Ticket!"
(Frowns at sleepy customer, Looks at ticket)
Grumpy Ticket Inspector (at me): "Ticket!"
Me: "Hello how are you tonight?"
Grumpy Ticket Inspector: "Oh you know the usual! Overworked, underpaid, still mustn't grumble"
Me: "Well indeed! Here's my ticket."
Grumpy Ticket Inspector: "Thank you, bye!"
Me: "See you."
Ticket Inspector: "Good Evening, ladies and Gentlemen, can I see your tickets please?"
(Looks at ticket)
Ticket Inspector: "Hello, Tickets please, thank you!"
(Looks at ticket)
Ticket Inspector: "Tickets please. Hope you have a great evening. Tickets please. Have a good weekend. Tickets please. Off anywhere special?"


See people, it's easy.

Go on! Spread the happiness!

Fractions.

There is only one word for them: Fiddly, there just small and bitty and fiddly. I suppose if you ever have a cake and three people to eat it with then they are useful, but apart from that.

What else can you do you except fiddle with them like some demented mathematical toddler. Let’s face it they are the mathematical equivalent of Duplo. The trouble is I’m like the toddlers younger brother and I can’t quite get my fat fingers round them so I’m just basically reduced to dribbling on them.

Fiddle, Fiddle, Fiddle.

Like cancelling them. “Fractions should always be expressed in the simplest form possible”. What idiot came up with that rule? Whoever it was should be dug up and shot. Presumably after being tied to a post. How anal and desperate-to-ruin-the-life-of-every-13-year-old-in-a-maths-lesson-on-the-planet would you have to be to come up with a rule like that?

I’m mean what’s wrong with 6/36? For the love of all the Maths Pixies, why is that not allowed?

If you run a theatre with 100 seats and you sell 75 of them that makes 75 100ths. Why sully that beautiful truth with the lie that is three quarters?

Then of course there is this business that is actually doing arithmetic with them.
Adding. Quite easy. You want to add 1/5 to 2/5 you get 3/5. Oh Yes. Add 1/3 to 1/5 you need to change that to 5/15 and 3/15 (ahhhhh....cunning) and you get 8/15. (HA! Try cancelling that one!) Subtraction works more or less the same. Multiplication is equally straightforward 2/3 x 3/5 = 6/15

Then we get on to division and fall through a small hole in the fabric of reality and emerge somewhere new. To work out 2/5 divided by 3/4 turn the 3/4 over and then do the sum 2/5 x 4/3.

WHAT!??!?!?

I thought this was supposed to be Mathematical. I thought that was supposed to be obvious? On what weird parallel planet earth does that make sense?
2 x 2 is 4 and 2 x 4 is double that. See! Obvious.

From now on fractions are banned from my life. If three people pop round for cake they better bloody well bring some. 1. It’s a nice round whole number. It’s lovely and underrated. Just stop there. Ok?

The only problem I have now is Vienetta because one slice may never be enough, experience leads me to conclude that one whole Vienetta definitely is.

Bloody fractions.

Bill Bailey

Went to see Bill Bailey. With students. This is the essential way to see Bill Bailey live. In fact I think if don't have a student laying around at home, you've got no business getting tickets. I'm not saying you can't go...I'm just saying take an undergraduate.

For instance:

He had a sequence involving buying a pot plant from Homebase. Later on he appeared on the screen with a large pot plant. Tom (3rd year physics) was able to confirm that he was indeed carrying one of Homebase's range. Not only this but it was from the current stock and thus available to purchase for anyone who wished to carry around said plant in a Bill Bailey fashion.

You wouldn't get that from your friend who works in an office would you?

Tom was also able to explain the joke involving a particle accelerator.

But it was pot plant bit that was really important.

Reader Servey

When I started this blog it was at the suggestion of a certain Nick Bailey.

I used to send out various e-mails of a witty and random nature. Then Nick came to see me and said.

"Your E-mails are too long...you need to cut them down a bit."
I said "They're witty and interesting...look at that one about the tunnel."
"Yes" he said "You should blog. That way you would only have to send out one line saying 'Look at my blog' and people could read it if they wanted"
"You're just trying to keep me out of your inbox"
"No!" He said. "I just think this is a good idea. Look! Here I've set a blog up for you."
"What already?"

So Nick had put this blog there and it was only ever supposed to contain my e-mails. Nothing more. The problem was that although my e-mails only went to Southampton University students (the people I worked with) anyone can read a blog from anywhere in the world. I advertised it to students and I think it was students mostly who read it. I didn't send out so many e-mails after that. No one complained.

So it today it was a cold and wet Tuesday morning when I arrived about 9am and I sat wondering about this.After something like a year and a half I was just curious wondering if it is still students who read this blog.

So I suppose for a change I'm asking about you.

Who are you? Where are you? Are you connected in anyway with the University of Southampton? If not how did you find me?

You could tell me loads about you, if you felt like it. Or if you're an anonymous lurker you could just say hi.

I could make some point here about virtual networks or new ways of being church but really...I am just interested?

Over to you!

Whale of a time

I have an important announcement from the Church of the Whale Penis.

A recent e-mail from the head minister arrived at Tunnel Soc HQ.

In it they wished to point out one thing of importance. Apparently on my recent blog I described them as a group of people who's one purpose in life was to be at the top of the google ranks for "Whale Penis".

Apparently this is not the case. It is not their soul purpose. They are doing it because it is fun.

Apparently they have other things in their life. Also.

I'm glad that's been cleared up.

Half a Christian

Today I didn't go to Church.

Instead I stayed at home and played with fractions.

Shhhhhhhhh....Don't tell the Bishop.

Alluding to

Special bonus prize for the first person who gets the allusion in yesterday's blog.

(My money's on quizmaster Dave)

Hot Water

Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny



and now we shall redeem that pledge



While the world sleeps chaplaincy shall awake to a new dawn. And like most mornings make itself a cupper





It is fitting that at this solemn moment we take the pledge of dedication to the service of tea and to the still larger cause of humanity.




After this Robin and Toddy jumped on the bubble wrap in frankly not very adult manner*.




*I'm not really sure I want to figure on the google list for "Bubble Wrap" and "Adult"

Seeing things in a new way

So it turns out one day I was stood here.


Normally when people stand here they look up.



But I wasn't.



And as I stood there looking...



I noticed something. Some marks on the ground.



So I looked at them and as I looked I suddenly noticed something.

That angle is equivalent to that angle.



And that one



And that one is equivalent to that one.



and that one too



and this one as well



And the red and blue all add up 180 degrees and all four are 360.



And that there is a right angle.



and I thought to myself "Wow...I've just started learning about angles and now I know about correspondent and alternative angles vertically opposite angles and now I do I'm going to see angles everywhere and it's all going to be different."

And then I became aware of a couple of people watching me looking at the ground... smiling.

I walked away. Quite quickly really.

Bang

Luke comes sheepishly into the office.

"Um...?" he says cautiously.
"Hi" I say reassuringly (they pay me to do that).
"Er...I was washing up and I knocked the Kettle lead into the water and um everything went bang and I think that I've blown up the Kettle"
"YOU BLEW UP THE KETTLE?" I explode.
"I mean, I could have electrocuted myself."
"YOU BLEW UP THE KETTLE?"
"It was a close thing, I was very lucky"
"THERE'S NO KETTLE IN CHAPLAINCY?"
"But I'm OK."
"THERE'S NO MEANS OF MAKING TEA IN CHAPLAINCY?"
"I could have hurt myself really."
"AFTER WE SPECIALLY TEA-THEMED OUR WEBSITE" (admit it you're impressed at my ability to use hyperlinks in casual conversation)

This clearly was a problem. I dashed downstairs to be faced with the chaplaincy hangarounds looking miserable.

"The Kettle doesn't work" moaned an undergraduate weakly, clearly the lack of tea was already having an effect.

"Quick" I tell Tom "Get out the emergency kettle."

Tom dives into a cupboard and brings out the spare kettle we keep there for moments like this. It doesn't work. Houston we have a problem. I dispatch Tom to buy a new kettle ASAP.

A day later and I come into chaplaincy to be greeted by pools of water in the kitchen. Turns out that Luke not only blew up the kettle but all the fuses in the chaplaincy kitchen. Defrosting the fridge and the freezer overnight. So we clean up the mess and get estates round to mend the fuses. This now means that the emergency kettle now works.

Andy arrives and notices the fact that we are using the reserve kettle.

"I think the old one's broken, so we're going to use this for a while."
"But that one is THE kettle." he points out.
"Yes I know, but it's broken and Tom has bought us a new swish one that will be arriving soon."
"That wont be THE kettle though will it? THE kettle has been here forever. It was here before I started at University." (Andy is now in his final year).

Andy and I take a moment.

We think back together. Fond memories of the kettle...... and Andy. Like the time he lovingly de scaled it last summer. The care and precision with which he made the bottom all silvery and new. The many cups of tea we shared together.

We sigh. A collective deep happy sigh....and then we come back.

"Look Tom's new kettle is very swish."
"It boils the water in half the time." Tom adds enthusiastically.
"But. It's. Not. THE. kettle."
"Well no I suppose not, maybe we should give a good send off, bury or something."
"Maybe..." but Andy has other ideas.

He and Robin go and get a screw driver. He takes the fuse out of the reserve kettle and transfers it to the mother ship. A few minutes later he has resurrected the kettle. Which if you're going to do that sort of thing, you must admit, a chaplaincy is pretty good place to do it.

"There it works" says Andy with obviously satisfaction.

He leaves chaplaincy.

Someone plugs in the kettle. There is a sizeable BANG.

We now have two kettles with two blown fuses and no means of making tea. This could be the biggest crisis chaplaincy has ever faced.

I'm going to stop now and go home.

Before the dehydration gets me.

Teeth

I turned up for work yesterday to have the chaplaincy secretary tell me that one of my former colleagues had just popped in to see me on his way past.

He now works in Birmingham (lovely place...been there once).

Where, I demanded, do you go to from Birmingham that involves a 'via Southampton'. I mean apart from the English Channel?

Apparently he had a dentists appointment. Well I have to admit since the dentists is at 31 University Road and the Chaplaincy is at number 41 that is pretty close, especially as all the even numbers are across the street.

BUT HE LIVES IN BIRMINGHAM!

Who does that? I'm just popping to the dentists...I'll be back in 6 hours. Hi appointment was at 9am. Who gets up at 5am to go to the bloody dentist?

Honestly sometimes this blog writes itself.

The Equipment

As I journey on into the land of Maths I want to enjoy my journey, to take my time. So I'm travelling light. I've got my book 0of course and my Brian. (You can use any Brian to do maths. I picked the one I found in my head, but you could use someone else's. It's much less effort)

This is also what I've packed to take with me.

A Blue pen.

I'm going to use this to write stuff down. Mostly numbers. Equations and, most importantly, the answer to questions.

Secondly the red pen.

I am going to keep this with me and then periodically I'm going to throw it at various undergraduates studying Maths, Engineering or Physics with the words "Mark my work!"

I suspect some undergraduates, particularly pedants, will have a natural affinity for the red pen.

The final thing I'm taking with me is surprising by none-the-less important.



Laura's favourite quote is from the Mathematician Paul Erdős who said:

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems"

I don't drink coffee, but I suspect a hard days cogitation needs a brew. So I'm taking tea.

This is all I'm setting off with. I suspect I may be adding to that list!

Soton Uni Suicide Grief Clergy Chaplain Southampton University Mathematics

Kill Kill Kill

For some strange reason the landlord of the Stile didn't like my suggestion that the killer round of the now world famous quiz should actually be on killers for a change.

"Who ran the market Steet Surgery in Manchester from 1993?" etc.

I may be barred for next week.

Big Shout Out

Today's rather unimaginative blog goes out by way of bigging up two very important people.

Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you:

The FAILURES

Now even as I type the chaplaincy hang arounds are busy at the Stile Pub just on campus. There every Thursday they put Southampton's Premier pub Quiz.

This is a slightly more cerebral pub quiz than most hosted as it is by Evil Genius: "The" Dave.

The quiz became a bit of a chaplaincy tradition some time last year and the chaplaincy team even won one week. They cleverly disguise themselves by not calling themselves "The Chaplaincy" instead opting for "The Blue Circles" named after an incident from Tom Tarling's childhood, when following an English lesson on poetry one of his friends was challenged by the teacher to produce a poem. Having done no work he offered the following:

"Circles are round and sometimes Blue,
Nothing turns me on like circles do."

Thus earning himself a substantial period in detention and provided a name for a chaplaincy quiz team who didn't want to sound that religious. Thus cunningly disguised they even tried to make friends with "The" Dave.

Which was a silly thing to do on account of the fact that you can't be friends with Evil Genius Dave unless you fit into his plans for world domination through the medium of quiz.

Anyway I'm giving you all this information because "Stile Pub Quiz" is in fact the 18th most searched for option which brings people here. So now if they come they should go away knowing what they came for.

Every week they come back and tell me how they got on. They often mention another team. This was a couple who always sit together. Who turned up on their first date and were press ganged into quizzing by the Master Quizmaster himself and promptly scored very little, on account of their very small team. Thereafter their team became known as "The Failures" Mel in particular has a soft spot for them. I think she thinks it's all very romantic they well they lose together.

So the other week I decided to pop down myself to meet them.

Turns out I already knew them, they're both students!

So I thought I'd take this opportunity to say a big hello to the failures.

You're famous in Chaplaincy...and you never even knew it.

I wonder if they read blogs? Or indeed a blog...I mean this one. Anyway....I'm just wittering here....um...er...yes...I'll shut up.

Grasping the nettle

I once knew a woman who taught basic literacy to adults. She surprised me one day by talking about what i can only describe as the psychological aspects of her work. She said that it was quite important for an adult literacy teacher to not have too many 'issues' because they needed to deal with everyone else's.

Basically she felt, quite correctly, that you couldn't teach and adult to read and write without them facing quite a few of their personal demons on the way.

As I begin working through maths I now see more than ever how right this is.

You see on one level it is difficult to admit you can't do something. Especially if it is something that everyone else apparently can. Basic numeracy is just one thing. Round here everyone has got A-levels and that means that everyone has got at least a C for their maths GCSE. Even if they are doing a degree in History. So you really lay yourself open if you say, actually I can't do this. Asking the odd Mathematics undergraduate to explain fractions to you or angles is quite a hard thing to do. People often hide behind "I can't do that." I once heard DJ James Whale on TV telling people that due to his dyslexia he refuses to read or write anything. Although he has actually written a couple of books since then! But you get what I mean.

The other day I was sitting in chaplaincy trying to work something out when I heard someone doing a PhD sniggering across the room. I felt instantly I was being mocked. In actual fact she was reading something funny on the internet. This I think is the reason that people pass a point at which they stop learning.

It's ok to be 6 and not be able to do Maths but not 36.

It's a bit like faith. Over the years I've had several conversations with adults who were not baptised as infants but who would like to be, but in the end they nearly always back out because they see Christenings as a thing that you do to Children. Actually on this one I'm pretty sympathetic to radical atheists and Baptists who think that actually it would probably be better if children weren't baptised so that they could make a decision as adults, but that's another blog.

The other thing you face if you do something like this as an adult is that you get reminded of last time. I'm learning skills I last attempted when I was at school and all the memories come flooding back. This was one of the great things about theology for me. I never studied theology at school, we had no RE teacher so as an adult it was a completely clean sheet for me.

No like Maths. I'm remembering stuff from Junior school. Like putting stuff in columns for subtracting and taking one off the next column if you need to take 8 away from 2 for example and it brings back all the old memories.

Some of them are OK. Some of them are just ghastly.

I once had a teacher who was very old fashioned. She lumped all the 'stupid kids' onto one table. Including me. Told us we weren't clever enough to be at school and then didn't teach us. She took our books off us and let us do what ever we wanted. The rest of the class she taught, which means, of course, that there is a whole year of my education missing. I don't know how she decided which were the 6 or so kids who got to go on that table. I might suggest that she may well have been wrong. Still in her defence she was very near retirement and this was over 25 years ago. She's probably departed this life now. I'm not sure if that's a loss to the human race, because I'm not sure she was completely human.

But all these things are in the past and I had put them well and truly behind me. Now of course as I revisit primary school mathematics I am reminded.

I wont let it stop me though.

Oh no...I'll teach myself long division.




Or get Karuna to do it....

Awful Vicar

If you do a search on google for Awful Vicar or "Awful Vicar" then you used to get this web site.

Then along came Gareth. He is a friend of mine. He blogged about the fact that I was the number one web site for Awful Vicar. Then for some inexplicable reason Gareth became the top site for awful vicar and "awful vicar".

Look!

Here's awful vicar.

And here's "awful vicar".

I MSNed him and said Gareth how did you suddenly come top in this area?

"Ah" Gareth explains "It's all about being search engin friendly. Because I write code in the right way google likes me. I all of a sudden I come top for awful vicar"
"That's not fair since you're not really awful and also you left being a vicar to become a web designer which I think you'll agree is unfair to me on both counts of you not being a vicar and understanding the internet better than me. In fact it's really awful"

Gareth takes pity on me. (See what I mean not really an awful vicar at all). He explains how it's done. Apparently you need to create a post entitled Awful Vicar. You then need to include the words awful vicar in your post. It's also good if you can link with the words awful vicar and "awful vicar". Gareth did this in his post.

"If you do that you'll be right at the top. Only you'll need to do it more times than I have."
"No it's alright Gareth. I don't need to become Britain's most Awful Vicar. Honestly you can have it. It's not a competition. Really mate I'm happy for you. Congratualtions. And anyway I really don't have time to write a special blog entry just to try to get to the top of awful vicar or "awful vicar" really I don't. I've got Maths to do."

So that was that then.

Yellowland

"I've done a picture" says the child who comes up to me after Church.
I glance down to admire the work of art. The page is covered by rough colouring produced by a thick yellow crayon.
"It's Yellowland" he goes on confidently. "My brother did a picture too." He points to another piece of paper covering in blue crayon.
"That's Blueland" he explains
"Oh." I respond.
"But Yelllowland is a real place, not like Blueland, that's just made up."
"I know I say" leaning closer, conspiratorially "because....do you know what?"
"What?"
"I'm from Yellowland."
"Are you sure?" he asks suspiciously "because I thought that all the cars and the houses and trees AND the people in Yellowland are Yellow" he glances at his own picture for confirmation.
"Well you see, on the outside I'm not yellow but on the inside I'm yellow all the way through."
He looks up at me with wide awe filled eyes and then scampers off to tell his mother he's just met a yellow man from Yellowland which was in his picture.

One of the congregation crosses to me and engages me in conversation. It's all very grown up. The subject of the diocesan quota, pastoral reorganisation and the deployment of vicars. I am slightly distracted by the distant sound of a child being told off for telling fibs.

Doing someonething unusual

Today is Sunday. Did you notice that? Unless of course you are not reading this today. If you are reading this tomorrow then ignore the first line.

It's a lie.

I wonder how tomorrow is? Why not write a comment and tell me.

Anyway it's Sunday and today I did something I don't do very often. I went to a Church and took a service. It was a bit strange sort of being a vicar. There I was in all my robes stood behind an altar. I realised how evangelical this job has made me because I didn't really have a clue what I was doing. I kept having to look at the other bloke in robes who was helping me because I kept getting lost.

I'm not sure I will ever be able to actually run a church I'm just not 'churchy' enough.

Afterwards I went into the vestry to disrobe. While there I was overheard a conversation between the church wardens which went something like this.

CW1 "How many communicants were there?"
CW2 "Dunno."
CW1 "Well there were 70 wafers, then there was the big one we divided by 4 and then that gluten free one, and there were 16 left so that's....um...."
CW2 "er...."
"59" I shouted rather too quickly and enthusiastically from the other side of the room. (70+1+(1x4)-16) Everyone turns to look at me.
"Um...59...I think...um...it's great when you can work stuff out like that...I mean in your head..." I add with slight embarrassment.

I take off the rest of my vestments in silence.

Boss

I'm having a day off...

so while I'm not hear why not treat yourself to some wise words from my boss.

He says it so much better than me here.

Multiples and Factors

Hmmmmmm...having sorted out number places I move on to multiples and factors. Obviously I have been multiplying and dividing stuff for years but I had no idea what these things were called.

I do hope that Maths gets a bit harder than this.

Now just in case you, like me, stopped paying attention at school in about year 9, I should point out that, for example the multiples of 8 are: 8, 16, 24, 32, 40, 48, 56, 64, 72, 80, 88, 96 etc, etc.

Whereas the factors of 8 are only 1, 2, 4 and 8.

So the number of multiples for any given number is infinite whereas the number of factors is finite.

All of which made me wonder (mostly because working out multiples and factors is not very stimulating) what about infinity. Surely since for 'a' to be a factor of 'b' then 'b' has to be a multiple of 'a' (note that 8 is a multiple of 1, 2, 4 and 8) does it mean therefore that infinity is the only number that has an infinite number of factors and a finite number of multiples (ie 1 - infinity). Can you even divide by infinity? If so the answer is probably infinity in which case is infinity some sort of odd (I mean that in the sense of weird) prime number?

Maybe the answer to all these questions is that infinity isn't a proper number because mathematicians are always doing silly stuff like that so that normal people can't understand what they do.

Still these and other questions lay heavy on my mind. Probably because I am a humanities graduate who doesn't really understand mathematics.

Answers on a postcard (or comments box) from anyone with at least an A-level.

Library Designation

The University Library wrote me a stroppy e-mail asking for their book back. Understandably this is because someone else wanted to read the book I had taken out.

There was only one problem. The e-mail demanded the return of the Journal of Søren Kierkegaard. I certainly had these out on loan. Only problem is that SK did go on a bit so his diaries run to 8 volumes in English and 13 volumes in the original Danish. The e-mail failed to mention which of the volumes the Library would like to have back and I was buggered if I was going to cycle into work with 8 large books in my bag.

So I having received my final overdue notice I popped in to discover which one they actually wanted.

"Oh" says the woman behind the desk "The new system allots a number for each volume. That's been going since 2002 why hasn't this book been moved over?"
"Because it is from your theology department and you haven't taught theology since 1983 and so no one has borrowed this book since"
She eyes me suspiciously. Why am I borrowing theology book she seems to wonder almost out load. I explain my job to her so we can get back to finding which volume we are after.
"Each volume should have a bar code in it" she tries.
"Nope I've already looked."
"No bar code?" she says like Santa has just disappeared from her life in a puff of adulthood.
"Seriously no one has borrowed this book since 1978....when I was 5" I point to my bald head in order to earth this passage of time for her.
"You better go and ask at desk upstairs" she says gravely.
Upstairs things do not improve. The woman checks my account and points out that each book has a number and hopes that I'll be able to find it somewhere. She writes this down for me. As I walk away I look at the piece of paper she has written down for me. It has the number of the book: 71025348 and underneath that she has written "Vol 2".

Helpfully.

I hardly notice this however as I somewhat taken with my library record. This states that I have 1 overdue book (The afore mentioned) and therefore lists my status: "delinquent". That's right Southampton University have officially designated me a delinquent. How long did it take them to work that out?

Anyway I returned the book as soon as I could.

I do love Kierkegaard's journals. Mostly because he was a great towering thinker, but also because it's just fun to be able to read someones private diary.

My favourite quote from Kierkegaard is "God is that all things are possible."

This is my favourite journal entry on the same subject:

"June 26th 1848. Faith is essentially this - to hold fast to possibility. This was what pleased Christ so much in the sufferer, that after suffering for many, many years he persistently believed with the same originality and youthfulness that in God help was possible. The demoralising aspect of suffering is the paralysis of foundering in hopelessness.

Saw that woman agian in the bakers buying Danish pastries. Damn! She's HOT!" Pap IX A 311